They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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