I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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