I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
