Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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