My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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