Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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