I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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