Non-Jews are for practice
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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