Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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