sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
