xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
