I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
