I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
