I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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