Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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