Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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