Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
