so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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