she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
