u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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