After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
