I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
