So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
