Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
