you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
