Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
