There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
