You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
