dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
