Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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