i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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