A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
