I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
