OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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