We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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