I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
