Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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