doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
