No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
In America we eat man semen.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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