The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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