College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
