the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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