better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
