There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
