so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
