How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
