What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
