True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
