You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
