with your own penis?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
