i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
