So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
