don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
