its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
